Graduation

I'm done with radiation.

All done! Done done done!

And the nice folks who've been with me through the whole thing presented me with this:

Nice touch, right? I thought the "appreciation" part was especially nice. I mean, I appreciate them, but they appreciate me? Really? I guess it's one of those things: "we know you have a choice of where to go when you have cancer, so we're glad you came to us." One of the radiation therapists gave me a nice hug and wished me a good life. It was nice.

Afterward, I had a brief meeting with the doctor for my discharge instructions, which are basically keep doing the skin care routine for two weeks and come back in six weeks for a checkup. She also gave me a summary of my treatment to date, including the surgery, chemo and radiation, along with the standard recommendations for rechecks. I guess it's the standard for the hospital, since a lot of people go through their whole treatment process there, but it felt a little odd for me, given that I've been going to another facility for the bulk of the time. It'll all be fine - I'll make a copy for my medical oncologist - the chemo lady - and discuss it with her at my next appointment. 

Now it's just her, once every three weeks --- and a check in with the surgeon after my yearly mammo in May. 

I felt a mixture of emotions when I left the building. Sure, I was happy and relieved to be finished, but I also felt like crying. It's not as if I made a million friends in radiation, but it was a routine and something I'd gotten used to over the past several weeks. And now the "specialness" and intensity is gone. 

One of the hospital's breast navigators met with me last week to talk about survivorship and mentioned that there's a bit of a let down after all of this. I know it's natural, and there are groups and counselors and other resources to help with it. I even left a message with one of the counselors to get an appointment, but I never got a call back. Perhaps I need to make that call again.

That time when your armpit hairs were longer than your scalp hair

Yeah, I just noticed. It's true. Well, at least it looks as if it's true.

And, of course, they're all nice and dark, unlike the salt-ish and pepper on my scalp.

Too bad I can't get them transplanted.

Good times. Good times.

Two to go

We're down to two more radiation treatments.

Since Friday, I've been going for the "boost" treatments that focus only on the section of the breast where the original tumor was. That means I have this long oval marked from my nipple down the side of the breast, along with the not-so-fashionable Sharpie markings covered in unattractive transparent stickers. I got those nice little decorations on the first day of this stage, right before they started the treatment. And the skin area within the oval looks as if it got a bit too little sunscreen and a bit too much sun, even though I've been diligently covering it with the prescribed lanolin lotion along with the rest of my breast.

The boost treatments themselves are different from my whole-breast experience. First off, I'm laying on my back instead of my belly, with my left arm extended over my head. For the first time in this whole escapade, I could actually see what the radiation therapists were doing, along with the monitor screen where the treatment plan numbers and so forth are. I don't know what they mean, but, well, there they are. It's like being in a totally different room from the rest of the treatment regimen.

The other difference is in the duration. Instead of getting two 10-15 second zaps with a break in between to change the angle of the machine, I just get one longer zap of about 20 seconds, and they put a frame on the zapper to match my treatment area.

So far, so good, except for that little sunburned bit, but I guess that's to be expected. I see the doctor tomorrow, so we'll see what she has to say.


On another topic: Hair... it's continuing to grow in. My scalp is looking darker; it appears the new hair might actually be black, or dark brunette. Along with the grays, that is. I keep telling myself the gray is because the pigment part of the follicle is still dormant due to the chemo. Yeah, that's it. I can't dye the hair until it's three inches long, so may as well make friends with it, however it looks.

I also noticed more eyebrow hairs coming in. I hadn't mentioned it, but while I didn't lose my eyebrows completely, a lot of the hairs fell out. Now they all seem to be coming in at once, which will ultimately lead to them all falling out at the same time, too. It's not surprising if you consider the way hair usually grows. The growth cycle is usually staggered, but when chemo stops the fallen hairs from regrowing, they all kind of grow in sync once the chemo is out of the picture. Inevitably they all will fall out around the same time since they have similar lifespans. I'll probably see that happen for a couple of cycles until they stop synching. It'll be fine. If anyone asks what's going on I'll tell them my friends shaved them off one night after I passed out drunk.

And my nostril hairs have grown back in. You have no idea how helpful they are until you don't have them... and you get a cold. Trust me, they're useful.

28 down, 5 to go

We're in the homestretch on the radiation. Yesterday I had the last of the 28 full-breast treatments, and today I start the series of five "boost" treatments that focus specifically on the "tumor bed" where the offending mass lived before the surgeon yanked it out last July.

And this morning marked the first time this year that I could take a shower without having to take special care around the nine (count 'em NINE) little stickers placed under my left arm, my left breast and back. Since I'm no longer getting the full-breast treatment, the marks those stickers protected aren't needed anymore. Yay! This afternoon I'll be getting new ones on my breast, I guess.

In other news, the hair continues to grow and my scalp area seems to be darkening. Now it seems to be getting a little patchy. At first I thought the dark spots were bruises from scratching my head, but they're just little sprouts coming in clumps.

I'm also seeing progress in areas other than my scalp. The other day I noticed some growth in my public area all of a sudden (how did I not notice this starting? I don't know!). It's looking like the special effects in the Lon Chaney Jr. werewolf movies, which, oddly enough, is kind of a relief. I was dreading the possibility it would be really itchy, but it's really okay. (TMI?)

Onward and upward!

You can fool some of the people...

Yesterday I went to Shop Rite for the weekly groceries, and as usual, I swiped my shopper card when I got to the checkout. Almost immediately, this popped out of the coupon printer.

Yes, a coupon for Rogaine. I thought the wig was pretty convincing, but apparently it's not fooling the supermarket computers. I'd love to know what the algorithm for that one is. "Uh, she bought Ensure a few months ago. No tampons for a month or two before that, plus lots of bland food? Must have done chemo!"

How's the hair going? Well, it's growing, but not as much as I'd like. A lot of the hairs on the top of my head are getting longer, with some maybe as long as an inch. However, my scalp is still showing through. It'll be a while before I go out without some sort of head covering. I'm taking photos every week, but honestly, they don't show the growth as much as I'd like, either. My SO tells me he can see the difference, so I'll go with that.

Radiation is moving along. As of this morning, I have 10 more treatments (out of 33), and the last five will be a "boost" focused specifically on the area where the tumor was. It's been fairly painless, and I'm getting what can be best described as a bit of a sunburn on my left breast. The worst part has been under my breast, about where a bra cup underwire would sit. My radiation oncologist confirmed that larger-breasted women commonly get a bit of a burn line at that location. She prescribed a burn cream for it and told me I was doing really well, considering where we are in the process.

Everything else? Let's see. Two weeks ago, I was having what I assume were hot flashes. Oh, joy. And toward the end of last week I was getting really, really tired. The SO and I had dinner plans with high school friends of his whom I hadn't yet met, and I was really concerned I wasn't going to be able to stay awake for it. (Chugging coffee at a 7 p.m. dinner is just a little weird, yes?)

Depending on who you consult, the weariness attached to radiation is either unexplainable (or as the docs call it, idiopathic) or a byproduct of the body working extra hard to repair the cells damaged during the treatment. A conversation with the doc confirmed that I just have to manage it, take it easy, etc. Okay... so... this week I've been taking it easy, laying around the house without a bra, drinking a lot of water (and probably too much coffee) and trying to eat better.

So far it seems to be working -- it's Friday and I'm not totally wiped out. Good thing. I have a big week ahead of me next week.